Love Is Dangerous

I'm so into you right now
But I could fall right out of love just like that
You couldn't place the blame on us
'Cause love is dangerous
Nobody would know better than I do
- The Dudes

Before I begin this story, I have a confession to make:  my relationship with Rose hasn't been quite as innocent as I've made it out to be.  Until now, I've avoided telling the whole truth out of politeness, but it seems to be about time I got really honest.  Over the past month or so, Rose and I have gotten into increasingly adult situations, which we were fully aware was a terrible idea every time.  I won't get into the details, but I think it will provide a better context for what I've been going through emotionally.  Unfortunately, we're very attracted to each other, which is what has made all of this more difficult for both of us.  That being said, I think we're finally starting to truly get past that.

Yesterday, Rose came over, and we had our own little Valentine's Day, which we'd already planned.  We gave each other some small gifts, although I feel a little inadequate after seeing all of the thoughtful things she's brought for me.  All I had to offer was a small Valentine doodle of Doctor Who, but it was appreciated.  She didn't plan on staying long, so we sat and talked a while, then had a long cuddle session, which eventually led to other things.  After that, we had the serious discussion and realized that we had to stop this cycle because it was becoming something of a habit and even though we loved each other, we both recognized it would hurt us and our future relationships if it kept on going.  So, after some tears and hugs, I let her finally go.  I wasn't happy, but I'd accepted that it was really done for good.  So, with a sad, yet hopeful resignation, I set about cooking my dinner with the quiet chatter of the television to keep me company.  That was when the phone rang...

As it turned out, the roads were bad, and the highway was closed due to an accident.  So, this is how Rose ended up returning to my place and staying overnight.  Knowing it could be bad weather, she was prepared with an overnight bag, which I was thankful for.  It was nice, as we had been sad, and it was a temporary escape from the situation.  We talked, and ate, and acted almost like a typical couple, embracing each other's weirdness, unafraid to laugh at each other.  Soon, the daylight faded, and we laid in bed watching Groundhog Day (the irony of this is not lost on me) and occasionally kissing.  After the movie, we talked and cuddled a while.  Rose planned on getting up earlier than I'm used to using her phone alarm, which I had a feeling would freak me out in the morning.  I was still not used to having other people in my living space, let alone a girl in my bed, and it all got slightly too much for my brain to handle, so I went into a slight panic, which unfortunately stressed Rose out a bit as well.  Thankfully, we talked it out, and calmed down.  We attempted to sleep, but neither of us could really get comfortable, so we eventually got closer to each other and figured out another way to feel comfortable.  After that, we managed to get a small amount of sleep, thought we both tossed around a bit in the night.

We both woke up before the alarm in the morning, which was the final irony of a very strange night.  We muttered to each other, speaking half into the pillows the way that I'm sure many regular couples do every day.  After a while, we finally got ourselves out of bed and got ready for the day.  I made her a small breakfast, and we were both somewhat quiet that morning.
I can't speak for Rose, but I think she may have been having some of the same thoughts as I was in those moments.  I didn't want her to leave, but I knew it was inevitable.  As much as we get along and care about each other, there are still key components missing in what would otherwise be a great relationship.  I recognized that, and that's why I knew I had to let her go.  Not like I'd done before, when I knew we'd probably be together again the next week, but in a real way.  It wasn't that I didn't love her, and it wasn't that she didn't love me.  I think it was just a case of timing.  Rose always told me if I'd met her only a few years ago, she wouldn't have thought twice about dating me.  A part of me wonders what that relationship would have looked like, but I suppose I could imagine entire worlds and it still wouldn't change the present situation.  The next while will be difficult, but I know that this is the right choice, because I don't want anything to get in the way of a potential relationship with Jubilee or anyone else.  I can't leave myself heartbroken and imagining Rose's face when I'm sitting next to another girl.  That's why I'm determined to do the right thing, as hard as it is, and as unfair as it seems.

As Rose once said to me, (I may be paraphrasing) it all comes back to that old saying:  if you love something, you have to set it free.  If it runs away, it was never yours, but if it comes back, it's yours to keep.