Dave's Guide to Online Dating (For Gals)

As some of you may know, I've been part of the online dating scene for a while now, and there are a few alarming trends among you online ladies that I feel need to be addressed.  The purpose of this guide is to educate and fix all of those bad habits some of you might have that are preventing you from getting a date.

Disclaimer:  this may be one of my most outspoken posts to date, but all the advice below is intended to help.  I'm doing my best not to be offensive, honest.

1.  Understand your reasons

This would seem like common sense, but it appears that many of you are a little confused about what you're looking for when you join a dating site.  

If you're looking for friends:  PLEASE don't make anyone think that you're looking for anything other than that.  In some cases, misunderstandings are unavoidable, but just be careful and try to avoid confusion.

If you're looking for sex:  Be honest about it.  Don't fill up your profile with gobbledygook and expect someone to message you.  Seeing things like 'ask.ask.ask.ask' basically SCREAMS hooker.  

If you're looking for revenge:  Take a breath, and check your rage.  Yes, your ex might have been a cheating slimebag, but the second a guy sees your profile is filled with venomous comments toward some guy you used to date, the alarm bells start going off.  In brief, it makes you look like a bitch.  Don't do it.

2.  Be original

Since you're looking for a date, it's probably safe to assume that you want a handsome, kind hearted gentleman who can make you laugh and doesn't play games.   Sorry to sound harsh about this ladies, but so is everyone else.  To borrow a line from Fight Club:  You are not special.  You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.  (again, sorry to sound harsh)  

As such, these type of headlines should be thrown away like yesterday's garbage.  Instead, replace them with something more interesting.  Use that little handful of words to show your personality right off the bat, and get that guy's attention!  It doesn't have to be overly elaborate, but just put something there that only you could come up with.  I guarantee you'll get better results.

3.  Visual aids are important

But I don't want to be with a guy who's only interested in my looks,  I can hear you say.  That is a perfectly logical way to think, but because of the internet, it's not all that practical.  Putting a picture of yourself on your profile, whatever you look like, is an endorsement.  It shows a further element of honesty than just describing yourself.  As tough as it might be to accept, unless you want to date a blind guy, appearance will always play a role in a relationship.  You can have an awesome personality, but if your looks don't do a thing for him, your chances for a relationship are not quite as good.  That being said, don't try to make yourself look like something you're not.  It doesn't have to be fancy (although if you like being fancy, go for it), just show them what you look like.

Also, don't post pictures of yourself with other guys, unless they're your family, or very close friends.  Guys don't want to know about your ex, let alone see his face when they want to look at your pictures.

4.  NO BOOZE

Now I can't speak for my fellow men out there, but alchohol is not a big turn-on for me.  As such, if you list drinking as a hobby, you can kiss your chances with me goodbye.  Also, it doesn't matter how good you think you look in that picture with your girlfriends at the bar, you are scaring people away because you look like Boozy McBoozepants, and that's not good.

5.  Spelling, people

I shouldn't have to explain this, but I guess somebody has to:  please learn to spell.  If you have a degree of any kind, I expect you to at least look like you have a high school education.  At the very least, know how to spell the short, easy words.  I don't care if you're a 'profesionel modele', if my kid brother can spell better than you, take a hike!  You're not only making yourself look stupid, you're opening yourself up to all those stupid guys you don't want in the first place.

6.  Respond

If a guy takes the time to message you, the least you could do is respond.  While you probably shouldn't respond to absolutely everyone so as to avoid stalkers, perverts, and such, communication is key.  If you're not interested, just a simple 'no thanks' will do.  There is nothing worse for a guy than messaging a girl only to get no response at all, and having to wonder what went wrong.  And if he's not your thing, try to be nice about it.  There's no reason to get bitchy or ignore him if he's not acting like a creep.

I think that about does it for my advice.  Feel free to comment and remind me if I left anything out.

Coming soon: the guy's edition!