A few weeks back, Rose deleted me from Facebook. This was done essentially to stop herself from messaging me, although it still happens occasionally. This has put me in the position of getting messages I have to stop myself from responding to. Becoming an 'invisible man', as it were.
It's a difficult thing to deal with, and we're both struggling with it. Truth be told, we've even seen each other once or twice since then, although we have both realized it wasn't the best decision. I find myself wanting to tell her about my day, particularly if it was a hard day, but I know doing that is unhelpful to both of us, so I stop myself. This is a very hard thing to do after sharing so much time with Rose, and feeling the way I do about her. We've talked about it, and have said we'll take this time apart to work on ourselves, but as far as the reality of it goes, I just don't know how much we'll be able to keep away from each other.
I'm doing what I can to keep myself occupied, but it often seems like I'm just going through the motions of life, waiting for the day it all changes. It seems like love should be a lot simpler than this. Then again, Rose is probably the first person I've been truly in love with. Maybe it's always this complicated, but people just don't tell you that part of it.
She may have been your first love, but she won't be your last. I know it's easy to fall into old habits, or torture yourself because you believe it will pay off - but the best thing to do is try to move on. I say try because it's not easy. Remind yourself of the reasons why you're apart and go from there.
ReplyDeleteTime. It doesn't get easier, just at some point someone else distracts you enough.
ReplyDelete*squish*
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