Things have been business as usual for me lately. Unfortunately, this means a lot of work. And work means a lot of time to think between customers. It should be no surprise to anyone that the loneliness I've been feeling over the last while has increased. I know I should't compare my life to others, but it seems that almost all of my friends are either married or having children. Years ago, I thought I would be married by this point in my life, or at the very least, have a lasting relationship with someone. I feel as if I'm a perpetually awkward sixteen year old, leaning against the wall at the high school dance, trying not to let the tears show.
This ongoing search reminds me of that classic Shel Silverstein story 'The Missing Piece'. If you haven't read it, this blog post I found should explain things. The point being that I've been thinking of those, singular, special people who were very close to being that missing piece I've searched for. People like Alex. I've been thinking about Alex more than usual lately. I understand things are different now, and attempting to contact her again would most likely be a mistake, not to mention bring up more of the old feelings, but I know that the two of us had a strong connection, however brief it was. I think we were very alike, and perhaps that's why things happened the way they did. I know there must be at least one person out of the billions on this planet who would love me for me, but it seems I've been wearing myself out looking for her, and I am so very tired.
It's a cliche but "If you're spending all your time looking how do you hope to be found?". Just relax, take a back seat to everything and let things happen in time. For now, learn to love yourself for you. If you already do, then keep at it. Someone will come along. Everyone finds someone at different times.
ReplyDelete^I'm with Mark. He hit the bulls-eye, man. You don't find love...love comes for you. And it waits until you're good and ready. If you're running yourself ragged in the search for the missing piece then it might help to ask yourself: "Why do I want this?" Do you want it for the sake of being in a relationship, or because you're truly ready to find that forever person? If the former is true, then maybe a slight change in your priorities could shift the winds of fate in your favor.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't want to sound as if I'm bragging, but that's how it happened for me. I was truly done. I gave up. I wanted nothing to do with romantic love. I became my own top priority. So I spent a great deal of time improving myself...losing weight, saving money, learning to be happy on my own. And then, when my defenses were highest, everything I ever wanted fell right in my lap (and of course, upset the delicate balance I had been building in the last year). But it worked out. And I honestly believe the same will happen to you, if only you will have more faith in yourself. More confidence. A stronger sense of self-efficacy. A belief that you are truly worthy of the love of this other person...and a belief that they, in turn, will be worthy of your affections too.
What Shane said. I think there's comfort in knowing your not the only one in the world feeling like you do.
ReplyDelete