Partly because in my mind, writing about it here gives the event a sort of weight it didn't have before, as if putting it into words, in this place, somehow makes it more real.
Partly because this is a post I never wanted to write.
Some of you may have picked up on what I hinted at with the ending of my previous post. If you're still behind on things, you should start here. A select few of you already know, and I thank you for your kind words and support through all of this.
I could get into details of why/how it all happened, but I'm not entirely sure any of you would understand, at least not in the way that I do. I suppose the simplest way to put it is that Rose and I ended up in much the same situation as Rose and the Doctor did. Which is to say, (for the non-Whovians who may be reading) that I had to make the incredibly difficult, painful decision to let Rose become separate from me. I did this because I love her, and it may have been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Even though it was complicated, and frustrating at times, my relationship with Rose was the longest I've had so far, and it was also the best. We grew to love and care for each other very much, and our personalities complimented each other very well. I once told her that we were like a male/female version of Bert and Ernie, and it became truer the longer we were together. We would sometimes call each other by those names, and found ourselves in situations that could have happened somewhere on Sesame Street.
Sadly, we knew from the very beginning that what we had was something with an expiry date. Over time, we grew to love each other, and we managed to push that thought out of our heads and tried to make it work, but in the end, we came to the same conclusion. This isn't to say we don't still care for each other. It's just that in order for us to truly have a working relationship, certain things need to happen for both of us, and those things haven't happened yet. That's why I am stepping back and allowing Rose to work on being a better Rose, and taking some time to make Dave a better Dave.
Yesterday was the last time we saw each other. It was difficult, and we did a lot of crying together. The truth is, neither of us really wanted this day to come, but circumstances forced us to make the hard decisions. By the end of our time together, we felt reasonably okay about things, and even through the tears in our eyes, we could see a small glimmer of hope for the future. I don't know if our paths will cross again, but I do know that there is a purpose to all of this, and whatever happens for either of us will only serve to make us into better people, and that we will be given what we need, as long as we don't fall into old, selfish patterns of living. I had some surprisingly calm moments as we were talking things out and getting all of our emotions sorted out. This is one of the last things I told her, and it helped us to feel better about what was happening:
"Imagine you have a big, beautiful looking balloon. You might want to take it home and keep it, but you know that eventually it will deflate and shrivel up, and it won't look as nice as it did. So instead, you need to let go of that string, and let it float away into the air."
Letting go of that string was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but I did it.
I'm not sure what happens now, but for the time being, I'm going to focus on the little things in life that make me happy, and go from there.
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