Internet Dating - First Impressions

I stared at the now familiar screen, still not entirely sure it was a great idea.  It was really the ad that did it.  I'd seen those ads before, but this time there was a girl I actually liked the look of.  And if there was one, there must be at least a few more out there.  So, against my better judgment, I clicked on the ad.

So it's come to this, I thought.  You are about to do something you previously mocked, scoffed at and generally railed against.  You realize this will probably never work, and it's all going to be one big sausage party, right?  That was about the time I told my brain to shut up and got to signing up.

Okay, lots of questions here.  Is all this really necessary?  I just want to meet girls, this is a waste of time.  Well, this all seems a little analytical, doesn't it?  If it asks me how I feel about my mother, I'm out.  Hmm...this doesn't seem entirely accurate.  Oh well, I guess everyone lies a little on these things.  I can't see how you can do this objectively anyway.  Oh, there's another bunch of questions.  Might as well fill these out too.  *sigh*  Ookay...those results don't quite sound like me.  Wait a second, what's that supposed to mean?  Was that about sex?  Oh crap, that whole thing was about sex.  Why can't they just tell you that's what it's about instead of using euphemisms?  Can I undo it now?  No, can't undo it.  Oh well, I'll bet nobody looks at this stuff anyway.

All right, let's see what we've got here.  Hmm...looks like everyone else didn't take the description stuff very seriously.  Oh, 'looking for an honest man'.  Yeah, I've been through three pages honey, there's like 20 of you.  You're going to have to do better than that to get my attention.  She looks weird anyway.  

Whoa!  What's a girl who looks like that on a dating site for?  Oh come on!  She seriously can't find a decent guy?  Seriously?  This is total crap!  There's no way anyone who looks like that, anywhere, can possibly have trouble finding a date.  Get real, man.  You'd never have a shot at that, internet or not.  Moving on...

Hey, someone who actually looks attainable, there's a novelty!  Let's see here...no laundry list of qualities, good.  Likes nerdy guys, there's a plus.  Hmm...do I want to date a girl who likes Twilight?  Let's see what else there is.

Oh, God, I know her!  Better not call attention to it and hope she didn't notice I looked at her profile...

Hey, this one looks even better than that last one!  Ooh, cute username!  Likes good music, has some personality.  All right, let's message her, and see what happens.  

Oh great, what am I going to put in this message?  Better keep it simple, just tell her to check out my profile and see if she goes for it.  Okay, now we wait.

A few days later:  Read and deleted?  What the hell?  No wonder you can't get a date if you don't message people, stupid!  This is getting frustrating now.  I've messaged so many people, and not one has shown any form of interest in me at all.  Maybe I should just shut this down and go out somewhere like a normal person. Hold that thought, there's a girl who likes Batman!