As some of you may have figured out already, I have great difficulty talking to women. Some might say that this is not an uncommon problem, but with me, I think it goes deeper than ordinary nerves. Most of the time, it's a struggle for me just to say hello to an attractive lady, let alone start a conversation. I suppose part of is fear of rejection, but after being rejected so many times before, I don't get why it's still such a big deal to me.
This leads me to my next point: I have no clue how to talk to a woman I'm interested in without having things seem superficial. (ie, the 'chat-up') I'm sure there must be a better way, but I haven't figured it out yet. I've had a few discussions about this lately. My friends say I should be myself. This is easier said than done for me. If I was to truly be myself, I'd probably start by pointing out how fake the 'chat-up' method is in my own odd sort of way. I'm sure there are a few women out there who would find this quirky and charming, but for the most part, I think I'd be given funny looks. In short, this idea is not the best game plan.
I've thought of having my number printed on clever business cards, and passing them discreetly to the woman of my desire. In theory, this could work, but it seems like a lot of bother when I could just talk to them like a normal person.
Also it doesn't help that I usually see nice looking women when I'm at work, and any time I want to talk to someone, there's always someone else in line behind them, so I have to keep quiet.
So, my loyal followers, I put the question to you: how can I break down these awful walls of nervousness, and finally start letting women know I like them?
I think that if some guy came up to me in a bar and started talking about how lame pick up lines are, I'd probably let him keep talking. Being honest will give you that advantage when you're talking to the types of girls that can actually be potential lovers. And, the business card idea is also cute.
ReplyDeleteWhen I talk to someone new I tend to just say whatever is on my mind, be it about how cold it is outside (Ohio is sucking so hard right now) the fact that they look good in the color they are wearing, how much I want to dance, something funny I saw, the drink I'm loving, the fact that I don't smoke but still find myself outside way too much when I drink and I can never figure out why... anything. Be yourself really is great advice. If it sticks you know you've met someone worth meeting. Ya dig?
Yup, you're not alone. And "be yourself" is pretty much the least helpful advice ever.
ReplyDeleteAt bars, I go for assertiveness in a Bill Murray style. For instance, if I'm near a girl who's paying her tab, I'll holler to the bartender "throw one on there for me before you ring that up, will ya?" then turn to the girl: "That's cool, right?" Then cue charming and self-deprecating smile.
At work places, it's key to make sure that you're not too weird up front. Chicks have a built in mechanism of assuming every guy is perverted and creepy, so you have to be hyper-normal up front. Simple little: "hey there. ::smile:: it's 5 oclock, right?" when it's actually 9am. Because you both suffer through work, get it? It's like you're bonding over your mutual desire to not be at work. Clever.
Ideally, you want to force them to approach you by always being funny, confident and the center of a group's attention. That, though, is a ninja art form that takes years to develop.
Good thoughts!
Caleb
http://calebshreves.blogspot.com
I struggled with that myself.. only, you know, it was that I couldn't talk to guys. I would seriously turn into an awkward 12 year old girl every time I tried.
ReplyDeleteI know it's strange, but for me, getting to know them online first helps a lot. I find it easier to just be myself. Whether we met in person initially, or online, getting that time to chat with them a bit helped me to gain confidence.
With my current boyfriend, we chatted online for about two weeks. When we met in person, I was nervous, but already knowing him a bit helped put me more at ease.