In general, I've been doing pretty well for the past week or so, but there's just one thing that still nags at me in the quiet hours, when I'm alone with my thoughts: I miss Alex. Not in the romantic sense, I've pretty much made my peace with that. I just miss her as a person, which I guess if silly considering we never actually met. Still, a lack of presence, even on the internet, can still be felt.
I feel as if I should be trying to make amends with her. This is probably another irrational idea, but I just can't shake it. In the end, I guess what happened was nobody's fault...or maybe it was both of us, I don't know. Either way, it probably wasn't entirely my fault.
Anyway, I've been trying to decide if I should try contacting her again, just to tell her I want to go back to being friends again. It's probably territory I should stay far away from, but there was a personal connection we had, even if it was only brief, and it meant a lot to me. I care about Alex, even if she doesn't care about me anymore. Maybe she doesn't really deserve that second chance, but I guess that's just the kind of guy I am.
I probably won't end up following through with anything, and maybe that's for the best, but I can't help feeling like I need to stay connected somehow.
There is no shame in missing someone, I find that's always the hardest part of a break up because the person was not only there for you emotionally and now you've got no one (seemingly, there is always someone) but also because you just want to be near to that person and it's no longer an option. They filled a big portion of your time, and it's hard to stop cold turkey.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad, it's normal.
While I do agree with you, I find my situation is a little different than the typical scenario.
ReplyDeleteAlex and I never really met, so I feel kind of angry at myself for falling in love with what was essentially a collection of words and pictures. (I'm not trying to dehumanize her, but this is effectively how things were)
It also upsets me that this is almost exactly how things went with Three Point One, and I seem to have learned nothing from that experience.
Not everything is clean cut. You miss what you had, even if it was a collection of words and pictures. Hearts do funny things sometimes, and they don't always know the difference between collections of words and pictures and collections of touches and glances. For what it's worth, I say let yourself feel it, let it runs its course, and see where you are at the end of said course. You might be surprised where you end up.
ReplyDelete