Dave's Guide to Online Dating (For Guys)

Yes friends, it's time for my hotly anticipated follow up to my instructional series on online dating.  Just in case you missed the first part, have a look here, and get up to speed.

Before we get started, I have a couple of late additions for the ladies
1.  Avoid too much makeup/fancy clothing.  Too much makeup will make you look trampy, and dressing fancy in every picture makes you look high-maintenance.
2.  Don't be racist/biased.  It's okay if you're looking for a nice white Jewish boy, but if you express that really obviously on your profile (especially in all caps, which really should be abolished, unless you're saying something really funny) it makes you look like a complete racist or intolerant.  If that happens, it won't matter how pretty you look, and you just might attract guys who are really into Hitler.  So yeah, don't be like that, and just ignore unwanted attention.

Now, on with Dave's Guide to Online Dating (For Guys)

I've determined that guys fall into one of two groups:  the alpha-males, and the beta-males.  I'm sure you know which you are, so please refer yourself to the correct section.

For the alpha-males
Hi there, I'm Doctor Dave.  If you're reading this, I'm afraid I have some bad news.  It seems you suffer from an excessive amount of testosterone.  Chances are you were born this way, but there are options.  Marriage has been known to reduce symptoms, but since you're probably not ready to settle down yet, here is the advice I have for you:

Essentially, my advice to you boils down to one simple rule:  Don't be a douche.
If this is too difficult a concept for you to grasp, a few further tips on how to do this are listed below.

1.  Since you are an alpha-male, you might own a sports car, wear sunglasses a lot more than is normal, and have a set of abs like Ryan Reynolds.  (I'm not including a pic here, so just use your imaginations, ladies)  The thing is, you shouldn't be posting pictures of all this on your profile.  Let the ladies find out these things for themselves, instead of waving it in their faces.  More than likely, you'll start your displays within five minutes of meeting them anyway, so do that instead.

2.  Don't send out blanket messages to every girl that makes you feel funny in the pants.  You want your girl to feel special, and they can smell these kind of messages like an attack dog smells drugs on the nervous looking guy at the airport.  Remember, you're after quality, not quantity, right?  If you don't know the answer to this question, just stop online dating entirely.

3.  Read their profile.  Chances are if the girl is hot, she probably doesn't need to be reminded of that.  Instead, take a few minutes to read her profile.  Sure, you might want to jump her bones, but if she hates all the things you love, it's probably a no-go.        

For the beta-males
Doctor Dave here again.  I'm afraid your diagnosis is not very good.  You suffer from what we call 'testicular atrophy'.  You have what you need to get a date, you just need to use it.  Here's how:

1.  Be confident.
Whether you actually have confidence or not is really of little importance.  You're meeting strangers, so you can be whoever you want to be.  Even if it doesn't result in a date right away, boldness is appreciated by most women, and they will remember you for it.  Just be sure not to overdo it, lest you end up looking like your sworn enemy, the alpha-male.  Just be yourself, be positive, and find a way to put yourself out there.  It's remarkably easy.

2.  Don't get your hopes up.
It's harsh, but it's advice you need to follow.  Chances are, the one you're looking for won't come from the internet.  There are exceptions, but for the most part, this is true.  The point is, don't get hung up on the first girl to say something nice to you, then wonder why she suddenly doesn't like you anymore when you throw yourself at her.  In the words of Han Solo:  "Keep your distance, but don't look like you're keeping your distance.   Fly casual."

3.  Be patient.
Time has a funny way of expanding and contracting on the internet.  In the world of online dating, this means you're in for some waiting.  You may need to wait for a long time, so don't be discouraged when things don't happen right away.  And if you've messaged that perfect looking girl, don't fall apart when she doesn't message you back within an hour.  Wait it out, and keep your cool.  Remember, they have lives outside of the internet too, so maybe they haven't even read it yet.

4.  Don't be a stalker/rapist/pervert
This is really something that speaks for itself, so I'm just going to assume you understand this and don't want to be arrested for any reason.

So, there you have it.  If you follow this advice, gentlemen, I hope it will bring you some further success in your search.  Thanks for reading, and I wish you all good luck in your efforts!