The other day, I came across a post by one of my favourite blogger friends in the whole wide world, and it got me thinking about myself, and how I act when it comes to love.
I'm not really sure which of the categories I belong to, but I'm slightly concerned that my natural responses are not what they should be. In other words, I'm probably doing some overthinking again. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but there are times I feel like my behaviour gets unreasonable when I feel like I'm in love with someone. In a certain way, I feel selfish for wanting what I want. I've talked with Number One about this once or twice, and she says that it's perfectly fine to feel how I feel in these situations, but I'm not entirely convinced.
I guess the main problem with me is that my brain gets ahead of things, and accelerates feelings to an unhealthy degree. To a certain extent, I think this is understandable. After all, when dealing with relationships that are basically entirely online, the physical element is (obviously) missing, and I think I have a certain need for that sort of thing. I think what happens is that my brain/heart replaced the physicality with this stupid emotional overcompensation thing, which leads to nothing but failure.
This sort of thing simply will not do. I've said before that every rejection makes my heart stronger, as much as it hurts at the time, but dammit, I just don't want to get hurt anymore! I need to find a way to break up these bad patterns, but at the same time, I don't want to become something other than what I am. I want to keep on being the same guy, and not have to shut down or deaden my emotional responses. Does anyone know what I'm talking about here? If so, can someone help me out somehow?
I've been guilty of getting ahead of myself in the past when it comes to communicating with someone via messages (text or e-mail) rather than face-to-face contact. And every time I thought that *something* was blossoming between the sender and me, I soon discovered that I had read too much into the messages. This, of course, made me feel like a complete idiot and led me to question what was wrong with ME.
ReplyDeleteIn reality, that which lacked in physical contact only became hyper-replaced by my own imagination, probably to fill the gaping hole of associating with the other person in real life (it makes me think about Daredevil and how his lack of vision finely-tuned his other senses--minus the toxic chemical spillage). Eventually, I began to give up hope in ever finding someone and decided that it was best that I close my heart to others, if only to prevent the pitfall of being duped by silly text messages.
I know that my words are not going to seem like much, or, more than likely, sound like a cliché, but you really can't rush things with people. This applies not only to relationships but also to friendships, and chances are the lady whose eye you will catch someday *will* arrive when you least expect her to.
I know you've taken risks with girls, but don't beat yourself up when they pass you with a rejection ("what doesn't kill ya only makes you stronger"). Just pace yourself and try to focus on your own life for the time being. When you go out with friends, focus on just having a good time and being yourself rather than trying to impress a gal. Believe me, just being yourself is sure to make someone remark you. :)
Thanks for your insights.
ReplyDeleteAs I mentioned, I guess you could call me a 'work in progress'. I'm still coming out of my shell, in a certain sense, so being myself is something I'm trying to get more comfortable with, if that makes sense.
Oh, it does make sense. Trust me: you'll eventually get to that point of being comfortable with who you are.
ReplyDeleteI do know some of what you mean. You want different results, you don't want these patterns to continue, but at the same time you don't want to change enough that you have to shut down or alter your emotions. Life, like love, is a bit of give and take. You have to give a little in order to get a little. If your current patterns aren't working I would try to find ways to change them, ever so slightly. Consider your expectations. Are they unrealistic? What about your goals? And what have you been doing to pursue these goals? Is there anything you can do differently that would help you on your path?
ReplyDeleteIt's tough to look at oneself and ask these types of difficult questions. But at the risk of sounding controlling I feel that a lot of the hurt that you feel could be managed by looking inward and changing your responses to some circumstances. Being hurt by your current romantic situation won't make the girl of your dreams come to you any faster, and in the meantime you'll be feeling heartache because of the impatience.
I hope I'm not being too forward by giving advice you may or may not be looking for. I just don't like to see you getting hurt or tearing yourself up over this. You deserve more romance than what the world has given to you, but you also deserve much more than what you are giving yourself. I hope that helps in some small way.
~SP
I never have issues with advice, Shane. I always love to read the thoughts of others looking in on my life. A lot of the time, they can see things that I miss, or just give me some much needed feelings of support.
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