A Billion Thoughts In A Moment

You'll never guess what happened.
Just because I had made my tough decision and decided to give up my pursuit of Jersey Girl, guess who randomly showed up at my work the other day?  She was there only briefly, but in that moment, a billion thoughts went through my head, and I spent the rest of the work day in something of a daze.  Here is a brief outline of what went through my mind in that moment.

It was a strange thing to see someone who had previously been only a collection of pictures and words.  But she was standing there, right in front of me.  It both thrilled and frightened me at the same time.  I'm not sure that will make sense to any of you, but I can't articulate it better than that.
When I saw her, she didn't seem to recognize me at all.  I suppose this is understandable considering we never actually met in person before, but I couldn't help but wonder why she didn't say anything to me.  I would have said something myself, (even though I didn't know what it would be) but it was a busy day, so I couldn't really do so at the time.  Strange as it sounds, I felt just a little bothered that she didn't acknowledge me.  I suppose it shouldn't matter to me, all things considered, but it did.

After that, I thought that perhaps she hated me now, and was purposely pretending she didn't recognize me.  This could be paranoid fantasy, but the thought crossed my mind, and I was angry at her for a second or two.  Then, another idea came to me:  perhaps she hasn't read the message I sent, and if she really likes me, I've ruined any chance I had with her.  This was when I began to realize that I had orchestrated my own destruction, as it were.  I realize all these thoughts were irrational, considering my prior decision, but in that time, it all felt very real to me.

But the most powerful thing I felt was from my heart.  My poor, confused, broken little heart.  When I looked up and saw her standing there, my heart did a little somersault inside of me, and I felt the strongest urge to take her in my arms and hold her tight.  I wanted to feel the warmth of her body and to breathe in her scent.  I wanted to hold on to her, and let the hurts of the world vanish, even if it was for only a moment.

But instead, I simply went about my mechanical work duties, and she left without a second glance, as though I was a stranger.  I suppose I am one, in the end.