Lust Letters (Part one in a series)

Since the internet knows I'm a male, it occasionally sends me some random spam emails trying to coerce me into clicking the link to the virus/adult dating site/whatever.  For our mutual amusement, I have decided to compile the more amusing of these emails (with occasional commentary) into this series.  The usernames have not been altered to expose the stupid.  Read on, and enjoy!

From:  Acid girl
I delight in occasional meetings, rapid bang in the garden [woah!  that's a bit of a leap from occasional meetings, don't you think?] and extreme sex ;)
I'm not too exacting about chaps [odd word choice, but that sounds about right, considering the earlier comments] just send me a message and let's have some revel!

From:  Alien girl
Hey macho [I hate to be the one to tell you, but I'm not macho by anyone's definition], I saw your picture in the social network and knew that me and you live in the same town [so you sent me an email instead of using the 'social network' to contact me?  hmmm].  How about passing several fiery evenings with you and having revel [you mean sex, right?] without any unnecessary questions?
With kisses, Alien Girl

From:  Maura
I vacillate to tell but I dream view of odd dates... [uhh...what?]
Something similar swift slaming in the garden or extreme sex ;) [you and Acid girl should talk]
I'm not too squeamish about guys so just send me a message and let's have some delight!
Oops! Can't that I said it! [again...what?]