It's been a week since my date with Little Red, and since then, we've been emailing on a daily basis. It's been making me grow fonder of her, which is something of a difficult situation, considering her uncertainty about things. I recently learned a few more of the details surrounding her breakup. Though I won't share these details here, they explain a lot more about Little Red's current issues with trust and self-image. I don't consider myself a violent sort, but knowing what I do now, I feel as if I could put her ex into the hospital if I ever came across him.
Getting back to what I mentioned earlier, while I'm glad we're communicating, the constant emails have started to make me miss her, which in turn has been playing hell with my heart and my libido. This has caused me to make suggestions I might not otherwise have made. To be more clear, I have suggested a 'friends with benefits' sort of relationship. Of course, at the same time, I also said that it was probably a terrible idea, so this has most likely left Little Red more unsure than ever. I suppose the best thing to do at this point is to stop overthinking and not panic.
I think you can go two ways with this one mate;
ReplyDelete1) Lay it all on the table. Let her know how, as you've got to know her, your feelings for her are growing. That it's not fair on you to continue with such uncertainty on how she feels. Ultimately, taking a step back and moving on (by way of no contact). She knows where you are... hell, she may even miss you and realise she just wants to 'be with you', her past problems aside.
2) She sounds like she's going through some rough times and, as much as it is going to kill you inside, being her FRIEND first is what she really needs to get back onto the 'happiness' side of the field. Ultiamtely, you're going to have to bite your lip and be happy that she's happy, even if that means you both aren't going to be a 'couple', just very good friends. Of course, this could lead to a very awsome relationship to.
I.E - From personal experience, 'Friends with Benefits' is not the best of ideas with someone you have feelings for. It fucks with your head.
I feel awkward giving you advice since I've never met you, but I've been reading your blog for a while so I'll just say this: if you have feelings for someone it is nearly impossible to be "just friends" with them. Being friends with benefits seems like an even worse idea. It may seem like an fun compromise for now, but it will only make things harder on you in the long run if she doesn't feel about you the same way. If she says that she's not ready for a relationship right now, then listen to her; she's not ready.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I've made a lot of mistakes in the past in matters of romantic love. I give too much and expect too little (you seem like the same sort). So when I have any hard decisions to make, I think of it like this: if this was my friend or sibling, instead of myself in this situation, what advice would I give them? How would i want them to be treated? You should ask yourself that and see what you come up with. Best of luck to you.
Friends with Benefits is a BAD IDEA my friend. Just no. If you value your friendship and wish to remain friends for the foreseeable future, then do not go there what so ever. Speaking from experience here, trust me!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Tom's two points also. Take it slow, rushing will just push her away.
I agree that a 'friends with benefits' relationship might not be the best idea, if only because it is impossible to keep emotions from being tangled up in the romantic acts. The benefits screw with your objectivity, and from there it only gets more complicated. On the other hand, I can play devil's advocate and say that I understand your point of view. In situations like this there is a window before you get permanently Friend Zoned, and that window closes a little more with each day. No doubt it makes you feel a little impatient to push this further, but changing your relationship in this way may not be in your best interest. My advice? Tip your hand. Let her know that your feelings for her have not gone away, and will not, while being there for her and supporting her. That way, she knows where you stand and you don't get sucked into the Nice Guy Syndrome dilemma. It's a good compromise between being too aggressive and too passive.
ReplyDeleteFriends with benefits =/= good idea. I've yet to see it work with anyone.
ReplyDelete