It's that time of year again, so come on in and join me while we look back on the year that was...
This year was just a bit ridiculous and it's almost a wonder my poor heart has survived it all. Close to the beginning of the year, I was still in the process of letting go of Alex. So, being the misanthrope I was, I ran back into the arms of Number Three, which once again didn't work out all that well. On the upside, I did get to see Cults live, which I probably wouldn't have done otherwise.
Some time after that, the complicated story of Little Red began. It had the makings of something very special, but ended in more hurt and sadness than I ever wanted for either of us. After that, the quick fix of Hat Girl worked out even worse, although with less emotional damage.
All of these event have served to show me that after all this time, I'm still chasing the magic solution to some extent. Going over my old journal entries, I realize I've been fully aware of this every time, but I end up going ahead and getting into these situations anyway. I'm not sure why this is, but I'm working on changing it, and understanding why I do what I do.
Throughout all of this, Number One has been my constant friend. She's always supported me and been on my side, no matter what stupid mistakes I've made, and that's the reason I would stand against entire armies for her.
In between falling in and out of love, I also managed to write a novel when I participated in NaNoWriMo. I'm very happy about this accomplishment, and I hope that it will be my gateway into fiction writing professionally one day.
Just as this year was coming to a close, I found Rose, who has become a very special person to me. Things haven't worked out as expected, but we're doing our best to recover from each other. You regular readers may have noticed I didn't say much about her for a while, but you will have the full story next post.
I suppose all of these experiences have taught me I still have a lot to learn. Ironically, a lot of this knowledge is already inside me, and I just have to learn to trust my own feelings more. I'll conclude with a piece of wisdom from my own journals that I think sums up things nicely, and may be a resolution of a sort:
"At the end of the day, love doesn't happen from a computer screen. It's out there in the real world, so that's where I've got to be if I want it to happen for real."
I think you nailed it with your last sentence. I don't claim to be the expert on love, but in my experience it's not something you can force. It's just something that happens, usually when you're not expecting it.
ReplyDelete